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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

A Boating Odyssey (Reprinted from the Hamlin Herald Newsletter Spring 2010)

Hello and welcome to a whole new season of boating!  Can you believe it's 2010?  It's been a full decade since people quit hoarding canned food, hiding in basements, and worrying that computers would cause unimaginable chaos because they couldn't deal with the number "2". 

Of course, alot has happened since then, but one thing has remained the same...People still worry about stuff.

Worrying doesn't accomplish much in the end.  It can lead to heart disease, panic attacks, and even a nasty cold sore.  If something bad is going to happen, why not be oblivious to it?  What better way to be blissfully unaware than to be out on the water with your friends and family!?
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If you have a boat, here are a few reasons to commit to getting out on the water more in 2010:
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1. Every year we get older.  As we age, we gain respect and wisdom.  However, we become more responsible and we get roped into things that we really don’t want to do.   People can’t ask for favors when you are five miles offshore on a boat.
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2.  Boating is a great way to lose weight.  Typically people wear fewer clothes on a boat, and love handles look horrible in rough seas.  Planning boat trips this year is the surest way to shed a few pounds.
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3.  Practical people don’t own boats.  So, if you own a boat and you think you should cut the grass or go grocery shopping...Don’t Do It.   Boater’s recognize these common chores as mundane.  Boating keeps you focused on the important things in life...like your tan.
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If you are reading this article and you do not own a boat, do not despair.  Maybe you are ageing, getting thick around the waist, or you just can’t seem to find the time or energy to get things done around the house.  If any of these ailments sound familiar...well, it’s time to buy a boat.
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If you aren’t already convinced...continue to read:
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1. Buying a boat now is the best time to buy a boat in the entire history of mankind.  Not only are there great deals, but there have been great enhancements in technology.  Ancient Greeks used to enslave people to row their boats to save on gas and reduce emissions. Today, clean burning fourstroke engines allow quiet and efficient propulsion without violating people’s basic human rights.
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2. When you buy a Sweetwater pontoon, a Polar kraft aluminum deep-v, or even a Stingray sport boat, you can toss a line and hook a fish.  When you catch a fish (make sure you are within your daily limit), bring it home and filet it.  Then, smoke it for several days over hickory and seal it in a Ziploc bag.   Finally, FedEx the smoked fish to Hamlin’s Marina c/o Dan Higgins.  By doing this, you have performed a good deed.
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3. When you buy a boat, you will probably buy a trailer.  Hauling your boat on a trailer is a public service.  Imagine how many people will pass you on the highway this summer on your way to the lake. Every one on those people will wish that they were just like you.  And why shouldn’t they want to live by your example?  You are successful, good looking, and enjoy life.  One of those people passing by is sure to have an epiphany and buy a boat so they can be just like you, and thus find happiness.  Buying a boat has taken you one step closer to walking in the path of Ghandi.
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If you still refuse to do more boating in 2010, you may be destined to grow old, gain weight, and do chores for the rest of your life. 
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Others may now feel a sudden lust for life.  You are the chosen ones...the ones destined for long hours on the water this year.  Please let Hamlin’s Marine know if we can help you in your quest for greatness in 2010!

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